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What You Seek is What is Seeking - God is Closer to You than Your Self

Meditations on Ego and Enlightenment - by Eric Allen Bell


Over a long enough period of time, the survival rate for your body is zero.  Contained within the body is the brain and one of the functions of the brain is the ego.  The ego is the self concept of the brain-body organism and it does not like what was just said one bit.


And there are different states of consciousness than just ego.  The ego is like a dog you bring with you on a journey. Untrained, it will run off, bite others and come back to bite you.  But trained and disciplined it knows its place. It can sense things, warn you of danger, protect you.  As the saying goes, "Ego is an excellent servant and a horrible master".  


On the journey, to confuse yourself with being the dog that runs alongside you, is to be lost in a profound hallucination. Such is the nature of the egoic mind.  It knows nothing of the true self and is driven only by its need to survive.  No reason to make it feel bad though.  Better to pat it on the head and every now and then – throw it a bone.


Demonization of the ego is the result of ignorance.  This idea that we must smash the ego comes from those who do not understand the ego - their only understanding is that they fear it.  As the world becomes more and more afraid of itself, this brand of so-called “spirituality” becomes ever more popular.


Smashing the ego makes about as much sense as removing an eye or cutting off your arm.  It is barbaric, not necessary and in fact very harmful.  And insofar as the brain-body organism is concerned, as the body navigates through material space, a self concept is better than no self concept.  Ego is that branch of self concept that concerns itself with the survival of the brain-body organism that often thinks it is you.  It is only harmful when it is misunderstood or when it’s forced to go underground in order to survive.  Take good care of it and it will serve you well, but never allow yourself to serve it.  This road goes in circles and leads to a certain kind of madness that passes for normalcy in our society today.  The insanity of ego identification is still the social norm at this early stage of our evolution.


In the human state we experience the full range of human emotions.  We are having the human experience.  To be captured entirely by the human experience is to lose site of the reality that this human vessel is a very small fraction of who and what you are.  It’s part of the ride, it won’t last, and there is really no sound reason not to get all of the action out of it that you can.  In retrospect, when one leaves the body, it will likely be remembered as a crazy day at the carnival, looking at the fun house mirror. To believe that what you see in that fun house mirror is you, is to forget who you are and where you are.


There are teachers, teachings, books, seminars - so much available to tell you who you are.  And one can incorporate these teachings into a belief system.  But a belief system is a cheap substitute for direct experience.  A belief system is a map and compass that one can never be sure is reliable until you are truly lost.  Only then does one find out that the treasure map you were sold was at best, only a rough estimation of where you are and where you are going.  If your belief system came from the religious establishment, then it was purchased at a novelty shop. 


When we are not misidentified with the ego, belief systems lose their importance as one turns to an inner voice, the voice of the Soul.



As with all words, when speaking of spiritual matters, the word "soul" is only a rough approximation of what we mean.  Incidentally, all matters are spiritual matters and the word "soul" refers to that which transcends the limitations of ego, but contains the higher dimensions of self. 


So what is Enlightenment?  There is certainly no shortage of charlatans out there, auditioning for the role of being the one who can answer that question for you.  As it turns out, there are “enlightenments” along the journey.  As the awareness of Self expands and expands, these are enlightenments.  The many merchants of so-called “enlightenment” would have you believe that enlightenment is a finish line that you will arrive at if you follow their treasure map, their belief system.  For many of us it takes falling for this hoax over and over before we are willing to take the responsibility and find the courage to look within.


I can tell you that what it means to be a “spiritual person” is to know that you are everything and everywhere. You are the world; you are every person you meet.  You are the moon and stars and galaxies and the universe and the multi-verses and you transcend space and time.   And if you take my word for it, and incorporate this into your belief system, it is not the same thing as seeing it directly.  It won’t work to hitch a ride on someone else’s experience.  And besides, what if I am blissfully walking off the edge of a cliff, looking up at the sky?  Don’t settle for hand-me-downs.  Seek the experience with more passion and commitment than anything else in your life.


If anyone tells you that in order to find God you must turn away from the world, they are speaking out of ignorance – more than likely parroting words from a belief system which their ego found comfort in.  After all, it is the greedy ego that seeks to find and seize upon “abundant bliss” and then be acknowledged and respected and praised for it.  That which is truly you, already knows bliss to be its true nature.  So to turn away from the world is to find God, but also to turn towards the world is to find God.  How can God be missing?  God is all that is and all that is not.  That which seeks to find God is only suffering from a self-induced state of Amnesia.  Simply put, you are that which you seek.  But don’t take my word for it.


Pay close attention to nature and you will see that nothing really dies.  It merely changes form.  The only thing that dies, when a tree falls and rots, is the mental concept of a tree.  In fact what is taking place is merely change.  Every part of that tree becomes something else.  All of existence is in flux, expanding and retracting, evolving.  That which looks out through your eyes is part of this evolution.


As you move from Amnesia toward God Realization, the Soul evolves.  Your perception broadens. Your experience deepens.  To memorize anything that has been said here will only serve as a form of imitation.  To hold up any word choice to careful scrutiny will only reveal that none of these words can be relied upon.   Everything I have told you here is a complete and absolute lie.  And hidden within each lie contains the jewel of enlightenment. 


That which does not evolve - dies.  But even that which dies serves a purpose.  It becomes the fertilizer of new life which seeks to evolve.  Nothing is wasted on the journey, nothing is lost.   And in that circle you find yourself, you lose yourself, but what remains constant is self.


Even in the deepest darkest depths of human emotional experience, when one really goes into the darkness deeply, you will find illumination.  It is everywhere you seek it, always hidden in plain sight.  Whether you are chanting a mantra or explaining to the landlord why you do not have the rent, every act is holy when done consciously with conscious intent.


What you have just read is a letter, that you wrote to yourself and asked me to hand deliver to you when you are ready.   The light switch is on a dimmer.  It’s in your hands now.




Eric Allen Bell


Eric Allen Bell is Founder of
Multimedia for Mystics


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Tags: Eric-Allen-Bell, ego, enlightenment, god-realization, reincarnation, samsara, self-realization, spiritual-blogs, spiritual-networks, spirituality, More…vedanta


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Comment by Eric Allen Bell 1 hour ago

Elia - What can I say about your questions?

What can the mind know about something that is larger and more complex than the mind?  The mind, by it's very nature, is never truly satisfied with answers.  

To know that part of the Self that is more than the mind - can words even describe this?  What is lost in trying to fit this into words?  Perhaps questions give us more than answers do.

Comment by Elia A. Sinaiko, PhD 17 hours ago

Hi Jack!  It might be better to describe your own experience as a comment on others, rather than trying to define others directly.  I think describing yourself would be more consistent with your requests that others do the same.  My experience (69 years and counting) is that I can with difficulty change myself, but trying to change other people was not usually helpful to me or them.  Of course I am contradicting myself by suggesting this to you.  But then I think I also found that there are no absolute rules in our relations, and that a little bit of whatever can go a long way.  So to say this more consistently, I would like to hear more of your thoughts and experience about yourself, rather than what feels to me like accusations about Eric.

Circles and circles of thought around moments of emotion.  To transcend my thoughts and find the truth about myself, the Buddhists say I must realize emptiness or voidness, which is not the same as nothing.  Not something, not nothing, I am lost.  Compassion, caring about others, seems to help, but is not enough because, for me, this is also a struggle.

A dying friend recently told me that I do not know there is something other than this life, but I will.  I do not know God but I will.  I can only hope he was right about me.

What can you say, Eric, about my questions?

Comment by Jackaranda Rainbow 23 hours ago

Eric, you are certainly acting as one who has sustained some kind of early disturbances. You seem to have become like your father, strict and closed, emotionally disconnected, unable to acknowledge the truth – and compulsively directing others about your religious beliefs. Stop running.

Comment by Elia A. Sinaiko, PhD yesterday

Yes.  Jack probably needs to work this one out on his own.  As a teacher once told me, I need to stew a bit more in my juices (his words), which I guess I did over the next 40 years.  So its easier for me to enjoy your writing, Eric, and not get into fights about it all.  Funny how philosophy can provoke so much struggle in us :-))  Is this a search for identity, for God?  For me, its been a painful struggle over many years, with only occasional peace now.

Comment by Eric Allen Bell yesterday

Jack - Thanks for the free Psych Eval.  It's like watching a cat playing with tangled yarn.  But as I stated earlier, I think "I" will stay out of it ;)

Comment by Jackaranda Rainbow yesterday

Eric Bell was brought up by strict Christian parents in an atmosphere of genital guilt and emotional repression which is the hallmark of world religious pathology.


As a result of the stress and anxiety induced by this type of childhood experience, which might also include regular corporal punishment incidents, Eric has become deeply conflicted. On the one hand he can see that other religions, for example Islam, are indeed a pathological behaviour, but he is unable to apply this logical process of  perception to the beliefs he internalised himself, as a result of the abuse he sustained in childhood and adolescence at the hands of his parents and teachers. In seeking to perpetuate the lie of god, which he cannot bring himself to relinquish because that would mean finally admitting to himself that everything about his parents and teachers was a complete and utter lie. Most importantly, he will have to acknowledge his parents were abusive and did not love him. He will have to acknowledge that he was not loved.


In seeking to avoid the pain of realising what he is and where he comes from, Eric has developed a system of religious belief garnered from a variety of predominantly eastern beliefs, including Budhism, Hinduism and the individual practitioners, prophets, saints and sadhus thereof. This has resulted in his production of many pages of  horseshit about god and the meaning of life, which is nothing but the presentation of various hypothetical ideas as truth. This has fooled many people into validatiing his pain crazed ideation and there have been many comments from the intellectually challenged and emotionally dissociative habitues of his site, Global 1 TV, along the lines of ‘Oh how lovely, Eric, “How true, Eric”, “Oh how apt”, “Very nice” and “Marvellous”. Eric does not write as a person who knows himself, who has accepted all truths in relation to how he actually is, including his personal history and childhood. Eric writes as a person who rejects and denies most of his experience as a child, who undoubtedly would invalidate others who might strive for self understanding and actually, he writes as one trapped in childhood by his fear of pain and truth. This denial and rejection is normative in religious personality disorder, which affects millions of people.


For me, the final point of departure is his earnest insistence that “God is closer than you think.” He refuses point blank to discuss or explore anything he has said, repeating only “How does this relate to me? ”The monstrous arrogance of Eric’s religious injunction sounds very similar to the horseshit we've all had from priests, vicars, pastors and parents , “God is inside us too, you know, Jack”, “God knows us better than we know ourselves”, “God loves you, Jack”, “ I'm doing this because god wants me to correct you” “Not a sparrow falls but he knows it” and now, from Eric Bell, “God is closer than your self.” My experience of religious pathology in India and Africa teaches me that this regressive fantasising about god and its enforced transmission by fear and manipulation to the young and to the vulnerable of our species is just as common to Buddhism, Hinduism and Judaism as it is to Christianity and Islam. It is a foul pathology of wish and longing which underpins the manner in which childhood suffering develops into manifest global terror, war and destruction.


I understand how Eric has come to be where he is. I and many others have been there. The basis of all religious abuse of the child is fear and as an adult, Eric has learned to fear anything which leads to a really close re-examination of what happened to him as a child – particularly and specifically he fears to know fully how it has affected him emotionally and cognitively. However, I cannot conceal my scorn for a man who, when offered this understanding, becomes terse, closed and incommunicado as his  response to an irrefutable truth which exists within his awareness already, but which his fear prevents him acknowledging. I know, however, that once the cat is out of the bag, those of us in the grip of religious pathology have no option but to gradually accept the truth and over sometimes a great many years, we begin to change according to our developing understanding. I know that Eric is at heart a man of courage and that he will, eventually, make this change in his perception. I hope I can count on Eric to understand more fully, because it is the same understanding of self which he demands of Moslems, after all. 


In view of the fear and emotional pain held by so many who visit this site, I am unwilling to answer the condescensions, sneers, prevarications, irrelevant criticisms and lies which will be the inevitable response to what I have written. I can only advise you to seek help from a yoga teacher and to develop a means of breathing to support your conscious self exploration and expanding self awareness. In yoga, self acceptance is an essential stepping stone to unity and oneness. 

Comment by Elia A. Sinaiko, PhD on July 25, 2014 at 1:52pm

Jack seems frustrated with his communication with others "I've had people in groups become so angry...".  He is asking for Eric to speak in first person, I presume as in "What I Seek is What is Seeking - God is Closer to Me than My Self."  Perhaps this helps him with boundaries, with communication between his self and others?  So what is the problem with speaking this way for him?

Eric, I have very much enjoyed some of your writing.  When you say to Jack "Your argument is with yourself." I suspect that for Jack the illusion you imply is become endless reflections of you and he.  I would also find that very frustrating.  Kind of like a philosophic version of "Who's on first?" 

So, Eric, what does this have to do with you?  What would happen if you said it his way?  Is ego self arguing with self under the illusion that it is arguing with other?  Another way to say this is "I have you be the arguing part of me."  Doesn't this apply to you too, Eric?

Comment by Jackaranda Rainbow on July 25, 2014 at 7:15am


JACK: Do you really seek that which seeks, Eric? What do you mean? Do you mean you have found what seeks, and you are offering others this wisdom? Or, do you really mean I seek.

Consider this:
What I seek is what is seeking.
This tells me you have not found that which seeks. It tells me what you seek. And, it proffers leadership in that it makes a public statement of your search which is a nudge to others.

Can you please kindly make the correct statement to me: either that you are insisting I am seeking that which seeks, or, that you mean 'I' although you have said 'you'?

This goes to the heart of spiritual ideas and the way they are forced on others by spiritual leaders, particularly: looking back to the way adults forced their ideas on me when I was a child and of course you have stated that was your experience also. Please, will you reflect on the 2 statements, one using 'I' and the other using 'you' ? I would be very glad to have your comments in response to my query if you can find the time or courage to face this question adequately. I've had people in groups become so angry when I raised this issue, that they have threatened me, so I know its a very difficult issue for many men, particularly.


ERIC: What You Seek is What is Seeking - God is Closer to You than Your Self

 JACK: You have sent me another 'you' message. This is arrogance, the arrogance of your parents and teachers which your spiritual ideas have not enabled you to fully explore and understand. I don't criticize this failure in itself, I criticize your apparent refusal to even attempt to understand what I am writing about. I want you to tell me what YOU have discovered, the precepts which YOU have found helpful and true, I want you to write in the first person, to own your experience and to offer it as a teaching, or, as something you value, rather than an instruction to others. What I want to know is your experience of this I which seeks, I want to learn about the process of your spiritual experience. This is what would teach me, this is what would lead me, do you understand what I am saying, please Eric?


ERIC: Do I understand?  You are telling me a list of things you want.  Okay.  What does that have to do with me?  Your argument is with yourself.


JACK:  Eric, I understand this is a difficult transition for you; I don't want to argue with you, I'm trying to show you something that might help.
Here is an example of what I mean by 'I' messages. In this case its a song, but it could be in any form, including giving written information about spiritual experience to others. The level of musicianship may not do anything for you, but what this does do is explain very adequately that I understand and appreciate the concept of always having been always and that I was thrilled with this idea enough to make it into a song.

 I find I am completely unable to read your blogs even though I understand that much of what you say might be interesting or even usefully informative. The reason being that I can't connect to your spiritual ideas because they do not include ideas about your relationships with other humans. What matters to most humans is human interaction, whether conscious or unconscious. Also, you never speak in the first person of your experience. And, you are completely unwilling to discuss this. As if my wish to think and respond to what you have written is something I should not dare to speak to you about in case it challenges your authority. Surely, that cannot be true. can it? Surely, you want me to think and respond to your words, don't you? Or do you just want me to to say, "Oh that's lovely, Eric", like your granny did, and like all the others who post.
 The fact is I have had so much of being lectured at and preached at by low cast humans like my parents and teachers, and preacher men like your father, that I just can't stomach it any more. And writing everything in the Directive Form, 'YOU', gives it a real preacher man flavour. And when I try to awaken you to this, you get defensive. What that means is that what I said has awakened something in you that is painful and thus, automatically, I have awoken your anger. I could hear the portcullis come crashing down from across the Atlantic.


ERIC: What does this have to do with me?


JACK: Eric, Slow. Breathe. As that which I hath writ has to do with Thee

            So that which thou hast writ has to do with me.


ERIC: Please, go coach someone else.  Leave me out of whatever this is. Thanks, Eric.


JACK: Eric, everything you write on Global 1 TV, and there are pages and pages of it, consists of exhortations, authoritative sounding statements as to the relationship between god, spirit, self. You tell me forcefully, (maybe angrily?) that ‘god is closer than you think’. What you have written generally leaves me feeling very coached indeed. So is that your intention? I mean, do you plan to go on writing pages and pages of spiritual ideas to which you forbid any comment which does not reflect your spiritual  magnificence? I mean, I can get that from my local Imam, he likes unquestioning obedience. He actively persecutes critical thought as the work of Satan. Sorry, I have to laugh.

Comment by Milky Way on May 20, 2014 at 10:50am

Yes that's it, they come from a deeper source... thanks :)

Comment by Eric Allen Bell on November 7, 2013 at 1:28am

Wallen - The ego protects the brain-body organism, which is a fraction of who and what you are.


Eric Allen Bell




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Meditations on Ego and Enlightenment - by Eric Allen Bell


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